It is said that the following are actual stories provided by travel agents:
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
I just got off the phone with a man who asked,
"How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied,
"I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Its a Dog's Life
A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth.
He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please? The dog has money in its mouth, as well."
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.
So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.
It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy.
"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me! "To which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
Moral of the story.....
You may continue to exceed onlooker’s expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations.
It's a dog's life after all.....
He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please? The dog has money in its mouth, as well."
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.
So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.
It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy.
"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me! "To which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
Moral of the story.....
You may continue to exceed onlooker’s expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations.
It's a dog's life after all.....
Saturday, July 29, 2006
What Bollywood teaches people about India.
What people from other countries learn about India from Bollywood Movies
1. Indian kids are always lost when they are young and reunite with their siblings 20 years later singing a common childhood song. A young boy with a woman is not usually her son but actually the son of a rich king or honest inspector, who have been killed.
2. Every Indian kid loses his father / mother (or both) when he is very young. He can only take revenge on the killer when he has grown up. A child' s father, who is shot dead when the child is still young, is usually an upright police officer.
3. All Indians have an identical twin brother/sister growing up somewhere else in the country. One of the twins is always oppressed while the other is an extrovert.
4. One is also growing up in poverty, while the other is filthy rich (see below)
5. Such twins will usually come to light during a fist fight when the shirt sleevs are torn off, revealing identical tattos on the left (right?) arm.
6. Corollary: ALL indian twin boys are tattoed identically.
7. If two people are brothers, it is natural for one to be an honest inspector and the other to be a crook. Normally, the crook justifies his crime by being the bread-earner of the family and putting the inspector brother to school. The crook usually reforms (or dies) in the end.
8. A young child in India usually becomes a crook when he is caught stealing rotis. He is shown chased by a mob, and in an instant, he becomes big, chased by the police.
9. There are two economic classes in Indian society: very poor and filthy rich. There is no middle class. The boy usually belongs to one class and the heroine to the other. If the Indian boy is poor, he will never accept the blank cheque offered by the girl's father. If the girl is rich, she is usually the only daughter.
10. Indians are good singers. When an Indian man / woman sings, music automatically appears in the background.
11. An Indian man / woman spends an average 15 minutes every day singing love songs in slow motion.
12. If this is not possible, they spend the same time doing dance numbers, with certain kinds of people in certain kinds of clothing appearing out of nowhere to provide accompaniment.
13. Indian men are generally called "Vijay", "Sunny", "Karan", or "Rahul". Indian women are either called "Mohini", "Seema", "Tina" or "Anjali".
14. It is necessary for young Indians to run from home when their parents disapprove of their affair. Arranged marriages do not exist in India. In case of an arranged marriage, the approved boy is usually a villain.
15. All honest factory owners have evil managers and extra-honest trade union leaders. All evil managers usually transport drugs (or gold) in the company's trucks.
16. Indian uncles /aunts / stepmothers are always evil.
17. It is natural in India for the boy's and girl's families to be enemies at all times and make peace only after their children die.
18. All brothers/sisters love their siblings and are willing to do extreme sacrifices for them.
19. All married women are either mopping the floor or washing clothes by hand when their fathers come to visit them in their sasural.
20. When a woman is making rotis, it is natural for her to apply dough to her face eventually.
21. All evil men in India either have an eye-patch, a scar or wear a weird wig. Their henchmen are sweaty, hairy individuals wearing striped T-shirts.
22. Every Indian man can wrestle 20 people at the same time. Villains always facilitate his martial arts exercise by approaching him one by one.
23. When an Indian man fights, there are always empty drums or breakable brick walls around. The hero always wins.
24. Every Indian politician is well connected to a mafia leader, corrupt policeman, student leader, and the local hoodlum.
25. Indian policemen are slow to react. They usually arrive on the scene only after the bad guys have been defeated by one Indian man.
26. Even after an Indian man has been shot several times, he does not die till the next 15 minutes when he has spoken a lot of the choicest dialogues.
27. Every rich household has a servant called "Ramu" (derivatives include Ramu kaka) and a maid called "Shanta", or "Shanti" or "Kamla".
28. Every rich household has a dog named either "Tommy" or "Moti".
29. Every Indian man has a side hero who is usually great at comedy.
30. When a woman gives birth, the child is usually a boy.
31. The Indian man is generally an atheist, who discovers faith only when there are too many difficulties
32. When the Indian man/woman have a lot of problems, they approach a temple, usually on a thunderstorm night, saying terse dialogues such as "Maine tumse kuch nahin maanga." It is normal for the temple's bells to be swaying like pendulums.
33. All homes are located near a mountain or at least a hill so that cars can be chased on dangerous tracks.
34. If the car chase occurs in the crowded areas of the city, it is usual for a handcart laden with fruits (oranges, sweetlime or water melon) to come out of nowhere and dash against one of the cars.
35. If a man is shot at, he usually dies when he is on the verge of revealing the identity of his killers.
36. In case it is the badly wounded (but on his feet) hero pointing a gun at the villan, after tens or hundreds have been massacared during misc. fights, the police will intervene with clichés like "kanoon ke haat bahut lambe hote hain" and "kanoon ise saja degi"
37. All Indians have the ability to spontenously teleport from wherever they are to choice destinations like Kashmir, Mahabaleshwar, etc. and back.
1. Indian kids are always lost when they are young and reunite with their siblings 20 years later singing a common childhood song. A young boy with a woman is not usually her son but actually the son of a rich king or honest inspector, who have been killed.
2. Every Indian kid loses his father / mother (or both) when he is very young. He can only take revenge on the killer when he has grown up. A child' s father, who is shot dead when the child is still young, is usually an upright police officer.
3. All Indians have an identical twin brother/sister growing up somewhere else in the country. One of the twins is always oppressed while the other is an extrovert.
4. One is also growing up in poverty, while the other is filthy rich (see below)
5. Such twins will usually come to light during a fist fight when the shirt sleevs are torn off, revealing identical tattos on the left (right?) arm.
6. Corollary: ALL indian twin boys are tattoed identically.
7. If two people are brothers, it is natural for one to be an honest inspector and the other to be a crook. Normally, the crook justifies his crime by being the bread-earner of the family and putting the inspector brother to school. The crook usually reforms (or dies) in the end.
8. A young child in India usually becomes a crook when he is caught stealing rotis. He is shown chased by a mob, and in an instant, he becomes big, chased by the police.
9. There are two economic classes in Indian society: very poor and filthy rich. There is no middle class. The boy usually belongs to one class and the heroine to the other. If the Indian boy is poor, he will never accept the blank cheque offered by the girl's father. If the girl is rich, she is usually the only daughter.
10. Indians are good singers. When an Indian man / woman sings, music automatically appears in the background.
11. An Indian man / woman spends an average 15 minutes every day singing love songs in slow motion.
12. If this is not possible, they spend the same time doing dance numbers, with certain kinds of people in certain kinds of clothing appearing out of nowhere to provide accompaniment.
13. Indian men are generally called "Vijay", "Sunny", "Karan", or "Rahul". Indian women are either called "Mohini", "Seema", "Tina" or "Anjali".
14. It is necessary for young Indians to run from home when their parents disapprove of their affair. Arranged marriages do not exist in India. In case of an arranged marriage, the approved boy is usually a villain.
15. All honest factory owners have evil managers and extra-honest trade union leaders. All evil managers usually transport drugs (or gold) in the company's trucks.
16. Indian uncles /aunts / stepmothers are always evil.
17. It is natural in India for the boy's and girl's families to be enemies at all times and make peace only after their children die.
18. All brothers/sisters love their siblings and are willing to do extreme sacrifices for them.
19. All married women are either mopping the floor or washing clothes by hand when their fathers come to visit them in their sasural.
20. When a woman is making rotis, it is natural for her to apply dough to her face eventually.
21. All evil men in India either have an eye-patch, a scar or wear a weird wig. Their henchmen are sweaty, hairy individuals wearing striped T-shirts.
22. Every Indian man can wrestle 20 people at the same time. Villains always facilitate his martial arts exercise by approaching him one by one.
23. When an Indian man fights, there are always empty drums or breakable brick walls around. The hero always wins.
24. Every Indian politician is well connected to a mafia leader, corrupt policeman, student leader, and the local hoodlum.
25. Indian policemen are slow to react. They usually arrive on the scene only after the bad guys have been defeated by one Indian man.
26. Even after an Indian man has been shot several times, he does not die till the next 15 minutes when he has spoken a lot of the choicest dialogues.
27. Every rich household has a servant called "Ramu" (derivatives include Ramu kaka) and a maid called "Shanta", or "Shanti" or "Kamla".
28. Every rich household has a dog named either "Tommy" or "Moti".
29. Every Indian man has a side hero who is usually great at comedy.
30. When a woman gives birth, the child is usually a boy.
31. The Indian man is generally an atheist, who discovers faith only when there are too many difficulties
32. When the Indian man/woman have a lot of problems, they approach a temple, usually on a thunderstorm night, saying terse dialogues such as "Maine tumse kuch nahin maanga." It is normal for the temple's bells to be swaying like pendulums.
33. All homes are located near a mountain or at least a hill so that cars can be chased on dangerous tracks.
34. If the car chase occurs in the crowded areas of the city, it is usual for a handcart laden with fruits (oranges, sweetlime or water melon) to come out of nowhere and dash against one of the cars.
35. If a man is shot at, he usually dies when he is on the verge of revealing the identity of his killers.
36. In case it is the badly wounded (but on his feet) hero pointing a gun at the villan, after tens or hundreds have been massacared during misc. fights, the police will intervene with clichés like "kanoon ke haat bahut lambe hote hain" and "kanoon ise saja degi"
37. All Indians have the ability to spontenously teleport from wherever they are to choice destinations like Kashmir, Mahabaleshwar, etc. and back.
Friday, July 28, 2006
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Sunday, July 23, 2006
Open to Men only!!!
WICOE (Women In Charge Of Everything) is proud to announce the opening of its EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants. The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
DAY ONE
HOW TO WATER THE PLANTS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
TOILET ROLLS -- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET AND FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)
DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE / FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the
house upside down while screaming - Open forum
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS: DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play
HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants. The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
DAY ONE
HOW TO WATER THE PLANTS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
TOILET ROLLS -- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET AND FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)
DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE / FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the
house upside down while screaming - Open forum
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS: DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play
HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available
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