Money











It can buy a house









But not a home








It can buy a clock









But not time







It can buy you a position









But not respect




It can buy you a bed






But not sleep







It can buy you a book







But not knowledge







It can buy you medicine






But not health






It can buy you blood






But not life





So you see money isn't everything

And it often causes pain and suffering







I tell you this because I am your friend




And as your friend I want to







Take away your pain and suffering!!







So
Send me all your money






And I will suffer for you!


Cash only please!

After all, what are friends for, right??


I HOPE THIS MADE YOU SMILE!!! LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE!


START IMMEDIATELY SENDING YOUR TROUBLES (MONEY)

The price of growing old.

Hard of hearing
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said,
"Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"


Forgetful

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,
"Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly".
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man.
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Husband & Wife being forgetful

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream ?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it ?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top too.
Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it ?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down ?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles to the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
"Where's my toast?"

Heart Problem

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical check.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street
with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
"You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc
'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"

From Cin-Ee

Two Minute Management Course

COURSE: MANAGEMENT 101 from Cin-Ee

Lesson One
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
"Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend..
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut

Discussion on phone bills

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.

...From Cin-Ee

Immigrant style divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Lawyer: Have you any grounds?
Man: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

Lawyer: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
Man: Its made of concrete.

Lawyer: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
Man: No, we have carport, and not need one.

Lawyer: I mean. What are your relations like?
Man: All my relations still in Poland.

Lawyer: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Man: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up?
Man: No, I always up before her.

Lawyer: Is your wife a nagger?
Man: No, she white.

Lawyer: Why do you want this divorce?
Man: She going to kill me.

Lawyer: What makes you think that?
Man: I got proof.

Lawyer: What kind of proof?
Man: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover".