In the hospital the friends gathered in the waiting room, where their friend lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a human brain, and $200 for a martian brain."
The moment turned awkward. Humans in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the martians, but some actually smirked. A human, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the human brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the martian brains, because they've actually been used."
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Short Martian Jokes
When is your birthdate?
Martin: 13th October
Which year?
Martin: .....EVERY YEAR
Manager asked to Martin at an interview
"Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?"
Martin replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
After returning back from a foreign trip, Martin asked his wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: No! Why?
Martin: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
Martin was doing experiment with a cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly Martin said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.
On a political rally Martin was arrested. Why??? A woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" and He did it..
When Martin was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Martin shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.
Martin went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Martin pointed towards the board "WASH BASIN"
Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Martin: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
Martin: 13th October
Which year?
Martin: .....EVERY YEAR
Manager asked to Martin at an interview
"Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?"
Martin replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
After returning back from a foreign trip, Martin asked his wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: No! Why?
Martin: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
Martin was doing experiment with a cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly Martin said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.
On a political rally Martin was arrested. Why??? A woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" and He did it..
When Martin was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Martin shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.
Martin went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Martin pointed towards the board "WASH BASIN"
Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Martin: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Angel brings statues to life
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Blair and Brown
Tony Blair called Gordon Brown into his office one day and said, "Gordon, I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win back Middle England".
"Good idea PM, how will we go about it?" said Brown.
"Well' said Blair "we'll get ourselves two of those long Barbour coats, some proper wellies, a stick and a flat cap, and a Labrador. Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a nice old country pub or other in one of those old villages and we'll show we really enjoy the Countryside"
"Right PM" said Brown.
So a few days later, all kitted out and with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off from London in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for and found a lovely country pub and, with the dog, went in and up to the bar.
"Good evening Landlord, may we have two pints of your best ale, from the wood" said Blair.
"Good evening Prime Minister" said the landlord, "two pints of best it is, coming up"
Blair and Brown stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and chatting, nodding now and again to those who came into the bar for a drink.
The dog lay quietly at their feet. All of a sudden, the door from the
adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old shepherd, complete with
crook.
He walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail and looked underneath,
shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar.
A few moments later, in came another old shepherd with his crook. He
walked up to the dog, lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his
head and
went back to the other bar.
Over the course of the next hour or so another four or five shepherds
came in, lifted the dog's tail and went away looking puzzled.
Eventually Blair and Brown could stand it no longer and called the
barman over.
"Tell me" said Blair, "why did all those old shepherds come in and
look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old custom?"
"Good Lord no," said the barman. "Its just that someone has told them
that there was a Labrador in this bar with two arseholes".
"Good idea PM, how will we go about it?" said Brown.
"Well' said Blair "we'll get ourselves two of those long Barbour coats, some proper wellies, a stick and a flat cap, and a Labrador. Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a nice old country pub or other in one of those old villages and we'll show we really enjoy the Countryside"
"Right PM" said Brown.
So a few days later, all kitted out and with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off from London in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for and found a lovely country pub and, with the dog, went in and up to the bar.
"Good evening Landlord, may we have two pints of your best ale, from the wood" said Blair.
"Good evening Prime Minister" said the landlord, "two pints of best it is, coming up"
Blair and Brown stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and chatting, nodding now and again to those who came into the bar for a drink.
The dog lay quietly at their feet. All of a sudden, the door from the
adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old shepherd, complete with
crook.
He walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail and looked underneath,
shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar.
A few moments later, in came another old shepherd with his crook. He
walked up to the dog, lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his
head and
went back to the other bar.
Over the course of the next hour or so another four or five shepherds
came in, lifted the dog's tail and went away looking puzzled.
Eventually Blair and Brown could stand it no longer and called the
barman over.
"Tell me" said Blair, "why did all those old shepherds come in and
look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old custom?"
"Good Lord no," said the barman. "Its just that someone has told them
that there was a Labrador in this bar with two arseholes".
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Heaven is for everyone. A martian joke.
Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and a martian, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.
The Martian then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the martian, "it's from my asshole." And the idiot went to Heaven.
Therefore don't ever underestimate a martian !!!
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.
The Martian then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the martian, "it's from my asshole." And the idiot went to Heaven.
Therefore don't ever underestimate a martian !!!
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